Saturday, July 24, 2010

It's been a long, long time.

I haven't posted a blog in a long time. Kind of on hiatus. I'm in the process of writing a novel. I'll explain a little bit more about that later. Right now, I’m just impressed that people still read this stuff.

And I do miss it. Especially after going to this years bash. See, my wife and I drove out there this year and we got to see a lot of the country. I don’t know what it is, but watching the landscape change from plains to mountains to desert makes you realize how big this country that is the United States really is.

Being in Vegas at the bash is always a great experience. This year meant a lot to me because I joined up with The Goatee Mafia. They’re more than just a bunch of guys who wear hats, they get it. They get that being into the BBW scene is a little bit more than an “I <3 fat chicks” t shirt and an admiration for large females. They know that there is a higher level of respect given to them because as women, they deserve it. I like that. I like that I have a lot more to learn and I like knowing that I can learn it from this crew.

I don’t ever claim to know everything. I believe life is one lesson after another. We don’t always like the lesson, but we learn it none-the-less. So, it should come as no surprise as to what came next for both my wife and myself.
We took a different route home. One that took us through Wyoming. It was there where I first began to realize that the journey back to Wisconsin didn’t feel like going home. It felt like we we’re getting further and further from it. Driving through the Midwest really kind of opened my mind in a way that air travel never really could. I think this may have changed a lot of how I see the world and my place in it.

When we’re born, we don’t get to choose where we’re born. It just sort of happens. Then we go through life and experience people and things and for some of us, this experience shows us that the world is bigger than we are and is full of wonder that just experiencing it blows your mind harder than some of our favorite drugs.

Once we finally got home, we were forced to deal with the “What Next” syndrome. Ever go on a trip out of town and then come back a few days later and you don’t feel like you’re quite at home yet? It takes a day or two for it to catch up to you.

I haven’t gotten that feeling yet. That feeling of home. I got this feeling of “Guess where you are?” followed by an evil laugh. It’s not a dig at Wisconsin or the Midwest. Many people love it here and they ought to because it’s a nice place to live (if only a little boring).

I didn’t choose to be born here though. And when it’s all said and done, I don’t think I belong here anymore. I’m welcome here, always, but something has been awoken in me that yearns to be free of this place.

I know, I should move. There is but one problem there, the cost in moving across the country. That total bill can go into the tens of thousands of dollars really fuckin’ quick! Right now, we don’t have enough to even think about it either. It’s something to set a goal for, but nothing that’ll be doing anything anytime soon.

All I can hope for is something miraculous like my novel getting picked up and making money or something like that. I said I would talk about this and I will. I don’t want to say too much about it because there are internet thieves that steal ideas and I’ve worked too hard on this for it to get snapped up. Let’s just say that I wanted to write a story about an invincible person with some rage issues. In my mind, a fat girl has every reason in the world to be pissed off.

This fat girl though, she’s got a few surprises that a whole lot of people are going to either fear, or respect. That’s all I got for now.

2 comments:

Jessika_Vegas said...

As always T, I admire your openness and freedom of feelings as you talk (or write). You capture the essence of what so many people go through when they leave a community of something so big as what we just did. Then for you and T's_Angel to be able to experience that trip home together, so you both would have time to talk, reminisce, know how each felt... That is priceless.

It is something to make a goal towards. I know for a fact that you have many who consider you all family out here, who would love to have that goal come true for you as well.

I didn't get NEAR enough time to spend with you and your wife as I had hoped to. So here is to Goals, changes, and Best Sellers!!

Love ya T!!!

Ts_Angel said...

Yes we are stuck here for now but we will make the best of it. We will pull through this just like everything else and always be stronger for what we have gone through. Then we can look forward to the next couple years, going to Vegas and hopefully CA.