Wednesday, August 20, 2008

What's to gain?

I remember talking to a model friend of mine and she told me about something that bothered me as an admierer of Big Women. She told me she wanted to do a diet program, but was worried if her fans found out about it, they wouldn't be fans anymore. We talked about this at great length and I told her that her health comes first and she needed to do what she felt was right.

She made the right decesion.

I've been thinking about that lately. Now I know there are gainers and feeders and feedies and I know how they are different than foodies. I've been trying to understand as much as I can about the topic before I went and stuck my foot in my mouth about it. Being honest doesn't always make me right. I wanted to have as many of the facts in order as I could to make an honest decesion about how I feel towards the whole topic because the one thing I learned about this is that it's a VERY sensitive issue.

And I have the compassionate capabilities of Edward Sicissorhands.... so here goes....

I told my friend how I felt about her going on a diet to lose some of her weight and become a bit more healthy. I have had concerns with her because of other issues, some weight realated for sure, some may or may not be weight related. Nevertheless, I was concerned. I told her that if she was going to do this, that she would do it for herself. She didn't have to tell anybody.

I told her this because I know how irrational some people in this community can be towards the mere idea of weight loss.
"What? she want's to lose weight? That's a damn shame. She's a traitor! TRAITOR!"
Believe it boys and girls, there are people who act like this. I used to be one of those people. It took a good friend to tell me that even if she lost a hundred pounds, she would STILL be a hundred pounds overweight. For her, she wasn't aiming to lose that much and even if she did, big deal. She didn't care about losing the weight, she just wated to feel healthy again.

And that is when the light went on in my head. I realized that it doesn't matter how sexy a girl looks when she's fat, it means absolutly nothing if she's not healthy. And everybody is different. Some girls feel sluggish at 250, some are well over 400 and keep moving along like nobodies business. Each person is different and that is the important key factor to remember here.

As I accepted this ideology more, I've come to accept a lot of other things as well. Not just weight issues, but social issues as well. We accept our own size, Why can't we accept smaller sizes? Why do some of us have to hate on skinnies? Skinny people either can't help being skinny, or they choose to be skinny for their own reasons. They shouldn't be hated for it. So what the world caters to them more? Maybe they're easier to work with. I do know that there are a lot of skinny people out there on our side and would like to help us out if they could. They think the best way to do that is by helping us become skinny ourselves.

This is where my feelings change.

I like being a big fat guy. I like it because it does give me a sense of power. It's amazing what my size and a crazy look can get me, and get me out of. But because I like it, I have to accept certain things about it. It costs me more to fly, furniture doesn't hold me, Little kids don't know when to shut the fuck up (yeah, I said it). It does suck, but I'm learning to dust that shit off because it is THE WORLD that expects ME to conform to IT. That's just how it is. The world isn't going to bow to me no matter how much I want it to. The reality as a fat person is that there are certain things we simply must accept and no matter what we do about it, these things will continue to be the way that are because that's the way they've always been.

I say this becase there are those who wish to gain weight. They want to be what I am. Big and powerfull looking, or grand and beautiful if there is a more feminine perspective to be had. They want to have bodies that are soft and have the curves and folds of flesh that as a fat person, I can tell you I've come to appreciate. There is a warning involved and I'm sure they've heard it all before. Health risks, social risks and even possible psycological trauma. Hey, being fat means you gotta be tough because people WILL pick on you any chance they get. And you can't always get in their face about it. Lord knows if I did, I would be in fuckin' prison for all of the physical assaults I'd be guilty of.

But ultimately though, it is health I concern myself with. I know I could be healthier. I'm sure all of our doctors want us at peak conditioning. But they live in their own worlds... and we live in ours. For the most part, I am healthy. I may not be in 10 years and I may regret not taking care of myself better. Again, another consequence to the choice I have made for myself. I can choose at anytime to get up and go for a walk instead of sitting at this computer hammering out these words. A walk wouldn't hurt, it would get me out of the house, give my couch a break from my fat ass and I would get some blood flowing through my body. From what I understand, that's a GOOD thing. Also, it would help me with my stamina and because blood is so important to erections, I could probobly pop a fantastic boner later!

But that's just me.

People can choose what they want to do and how they want to do it. This is what it all comes down to: Choice. If a web model decides to go on a diet for her own sake, it is her decesion. If her fans find out she is on a diet, they can choose to be loyal or choose to find another model who isn't the same, but isn't on a diet. If they choose to be loyal though, they have to respect her decesion and respect her by not being such a subversive prick about the whole thing. Don't even think of sabotaging her physicaly by feeding her stuff she doesn't need or mentally by telling her she's selling out or being a traitor or even that her losing weight is a shame. That's unacceptable behavior! If you behave like this.... KNOCK IT OFF!

I love my fat girls. And my fat boys are good guys. I want them to be around as long as I am around. I don't wanna die. I don't expect to live forever, but I want to have a quality standard of life tempered with my comfort zone. These factors render me overweight and fat, a little out of shape, but still functional to an average degree of usefulness. I don't eat like Michael Phelps, but I don't function like him either. I don't hold 8 gold medals in swimming.

We are all responsible for our own decesions. Some of our decesions are ours alone, and others affect the people we love most. When it comes to weight, you just have to do what makes you happy and if it changes, you change along with it if you wish to survive. Nobody want's to be the person immobile on their bed and need Search and Rescue to chop them out of their fucking house to take them to the god damn hospital. Nobody wants to be creamated in their house like Big Mamma in the movie What's Eating Gilbert Grape? So let's NONE of us end up like that. Ok? PLEASE????

If we show outer society we are worthy of respect, MAYBE they will give it to us.

1 comment:

wickedlilwench said...

You know, I couldn't agree with you more.
There were several reasons I left webmodeling. One of them being that I needed to lose weight for the sake of my health and my quality of life. I knew that eventually I would have felt the backlash from those who preferred me at 300+ lbs.
It's wrong to judge anyone based on the size of their "skin suit", and it's even worse to have people slag you off for wanting to be healthier (and thusly losing some weight).
I am meant, by nature, to be a bigger girl. I take no issue with that. However, that doesn't mean that I need to "love" my curves so much that I love myself to death with poor living choices.
I would prefer to be closer to the 200lb mark than to be closer to the 300lb mark and losing my lower extremities, eyesight, kidney function, etc. because I didn't manage my health better.
People need to learn to accept people as they are and not spend so much time judging their motivations behind their personal health choices.