I have to write something. I have to put something here in this blog. It's an expectation I have of myself as a person. "But you write so negativly.... why can't you be more positive?" People ask me. I don't know why. For the past several days I've really been trying to think of something poisitive but it's only when someone is yanking me around by my fucking chain do I feel the need to write.
What I put down here is rehabilitation for someone who carries an unimaginable amount of anger. The Incredible Hulk once told me "Dude, you have serious issues in which you need the services of trained professionals. You need to get over this.... now stop smashing, that's my job.". Writing has always been an avenue in which I could safely work out whatever it is I'm feeling. Well, when I'm in a good mood, I don't want to waste my time WRITING about it, I want to enjoy it!
So this is therapy for me. This is me not beating my manager in the head with a double-ended dildo when she tells me she's going to be late in picking up my shift. No, no, I'm not going to get into the story or even why I am as agitated as I am because there are too many facets to the story to which nobody really gives a fuck. Suffice to say that it just comes down to me being the fuckin' man, sucking it up and fucking dealing with it.
Oh, but I shouldn't be angry about it. Fuck that. My writing is my way of throwing a chair at life! This is where I let go of my aggression and my hate because there is no other way for me to do it. Can't draw someone getting smashed in the face with a butt plug..... but I can write about it. I can write about how irritating porn sounds when you're not jacking off to it. When all you hear all day is a guy telling another guy to cum all over the back of his nutsack.... You really wonder why you haven't just totally given up and checked yourself in to the local Loony Bin.
I write this shit because I know there are people out there that can identify with what I'm saying. Maybe not EXACTLY everything, but enough to say "Holy Shit! I know what that's like!". I'm not out to give everybody a fucking flower and tell them that everything is going to be all right. I can and maybe someday I will, it can't rain all the time. But untill that sunny day, It's raining blood from a lacerated sky. I am a Devil for a reason. It's not because i choose to see the negativity in life, it's because the negativity sees me.... and it wants me like I want a fat juicy ass to bite, not too hard, but not delicately either. Teeth marks are sexy!
And so what if my negativity turns some people off? Good, get the fuck outta here. I don't want to spill my feelings before a bunch of uptight pricks that don't really give a shit. This isn't chicken soup for the soul, motherfucker. I'm a complex person with complex feelings. People want to see what I have to say and I have a lot of shit to say. It isn't always good, but the good news is I treat shitty situations like shit so at least there's SOMETHING positive about it. that's how I write, that's who I am. If there's something I'm happy about, I'll write about it. But I've always used writing as a release, so to that end there is going to be a lot of feelings of hopelessness and powerlessness tempered with cynicisim, sarcasm and even a bit of irony to laugh at.
This isn't about feeling good about yourself, this is about saying FUCK YEAH to. If you want to feel good, take your ass to a romantic comedy. Chub Rub, by nature, is irritating. I'm irritated, and more often than not.... I'M MAD!