Why I'm angry with God, and why God is ok with it.

It's no secret that I'm into Deism. My relationship with God has nothing to do with any orthodox religion. I can't bring myself to be an Atheist or an Agnostic simply because I like to think that there is one source for everything. Everything. Every thing. I like to believe that there were circumstances that formed the Big Bang and that our Universe came into being. Nobody really knows why it happened or even how it happened.

Well, Something had to cause it, right? It's the scientific notion of Newton's first law "A body at rest remains at rest, A Body in motion stays in motion until it is acted upon by another force to stop it."

Let's face it, you take something that is as small as an atom and in less than a second is the size of a Galaxy, There's nothing that's going to stop that momentum. But there it is though, what caused it?
*crickets chirping*
Nobody has a definitive answer. Some people seek to answer this question and I really admire those people because they are some of the most brilliant minds the world has ever seen. They seek definitive answers of substance for that which we cannot explain.

Unless you're overly religious.

Then it's God everything. God made this, God did that, God deserves praise, God demands sacrifice, God has a plan, blah blah blah. I won't even go into the aspects of different religions as they are all the same bubbling cauldron of hot water. They are all fundamentally the same: A belief in a higher life form that is all seeing, all knowing and all creating. What's different is the role that we, "the humans", play. Which to me, is all clearly bullshit because there is no easier way to manipulate someone than through their belief in their creator. And, there are people who have that power, and some of them abuse that power on a regular basis Exposing the first fundamental human flaw;
We are not perfect.

If we are not perfect, why are we entrusted with the word of this omnipotent being that we even admit to not understanding (God works in mysterious ways)? Why do we take it upon ourselves to make such claims of what God wants? Perhaps we assume too much? Have we taken into account that there are a number of mental illnesses that create a delusional sense of omnipotence? I'm not calling Jesus Christ a Schizophrenic by any means, but how do we treat people who claim to be the offspring of God in this day and age? Usually with straight jackets and medications. How would we treat Jesus Christ these days? .... Ok, pretty much the same way.
BUT STILL!
We have medications that effect the mind. Would he still make such claims if he was forced into taking his medications?

Take your meds or be institutionalized and have them injected into your veins, either way, you're GOING to be medicated.

He preformed miracles though!
Hey! So does David Blaine and Criss Angel. They don't heal the sick, but they can do other shit that would amaze primitive people into believing they were messiahs. I don't mean to pick on Jesus Christ here, but even he has to understand that here in the 21st century, we're going to question the whole "My father is the almighty" shtick. We live in a world where we know our world is not flat, that we are not the center of the universe, and we even know just how big the universe is. That's some knowledge that would blow a mental processor or two in a primitive human mind.

We learn things in a particular order. If we learn things we do not understand too quickly, we take that knowledge and form it into weapons in which to kill each other with. Which unveils the second human flaw:
Humans are self destructive.

Though individually we are not, for the most part, but, you get us into a hysterical panic and we'll kill just about anything else. Case in point, 9/11. I hate using that as a reference because it seems I'm making it a political platform. It isn't, it's an observation. After the attack, how many Americans wanted retribution? Yes, we wanted those responsible, but how many of us stopped to ponder what would drive someone to do such a thing? Not enough. How many middle east decedents got their asses kicked for no other reason than their heritage? Too many.

We were willing to trade away some of our most valued rights as Americans for safety. We changed who we were, which is what the terrorists wanted. They wanted to instill fear and by god, they got it. Which put us into a blood lust that ultimately led to us going into a war where we didn't fully understand our enemies or even had anything to do with the attack on us. Yet many of us justified it anyways. Why? The answer to that is irrelevant because so many lies were fed to us. Were fed to our "leader" Who, let's face it, was too ignorant and too wrapped up in his own bullshit to question the motives of the people around him.

But he was a man of faith, and his faith was used by his own advisers to further their own agendas.

I believe in God because I need something to be mad at. God created us. Why did he do such a lousy job? Even down to myself personally. I didn't ask to be Clinically Depressed, I didn't want Attention Deficit Disorder and try as I may, Dyslexia is a real bitch to work with. I have prayed to God to cure me of these things, but "God has a plan" and that plan involves me being a sad, inattentive and confused person. Or, I could have chosen to not let those things affect me. It makes things convenient for everybody else, but I still struggle.

For all my prayers as a child, I never even got an image of the Virgin Mary burnt onto a piece of toast as an answer, for anything. It is only through believing in myself and the validation of those who believe in me that I can achieve all that I achieve, which isn't nearly as much as I like to think it is.

I have asked God why he allows nations to slaughter each other in his name. Almost always, I imagine him saying "Because they choose to". Right, they choose to. Based on what their respective religions tell them. Why not break up the bullshit, come down here, and set these motherfuckers straight.

I have figured why he hasn't.

He doesn't, because if he is the creator of all life, and if we are a design of his grand plan, then he would have given us something. A great and wonderful gift. The ability to think independently. To think and to reason. To ponder questions, and the ability to choose to find the answers to those questions. He did not tie us to him because it would stunt our growth as a potentially great life form. We have figured out how to get off this planet. We've only gotten as far as the moon, but there is such great potential there! Our first steps into a world of even more wonder and understanding. But as is his fear, we are still dependent upon him. We cling to these words from the past, passed down from human to human, subject to our flaws and misinterpretations. People who believe so strongly, that they are willing to destroy each other over it.

We have the tools.
We have the talent.
We just don't have the instinct.

I see God as a father figure..... an absentee father figure. A father who is too busy or too preoccupied to notice his children. Real "Cat's in the Cradle" kind of stuff. He smiles upon our achievements from afar, but knows he can no longer interfere with our development. Maybe a random act of kindness here and there, but for the most part, he knows that we have to learn for ourselves, and achieve our own success. If he is always there, holding our hand, we never learn and we'll never grow into our potential, and into our ultimate destiny; citizens of multiple worlds.

So, I'm angry at God because of what we are. But I also believe that it's ok to be angry with God because out of our anger, we learn to do things for ourselves. We have to learn for ourselves the hows and whys of our world and our existence much the same way I had to re-learn how to read. We have to take what we know and expand from it. We have to do this for ourselves. The more we learn, the less dependent we are to God.

I don't seek to kill God. He gave us our start, to which I am grateful. But, I do not believe, (I cannot believe) that he only allowed for us to go so far only to be extinguished because of his bad temper. That doesn't even make any logical sense! That's like drowning your babies in the tub! I'm pretty sure God has more sense than that. The whole notion of "Judgment Day" and "Revelation" and "Armageddon" are all concepts to which we impose our own sense of fear.

The truth is that if the end of the world came, and the planet was still here, and there were survivors of whatever great catastrophe befell us, we would continue to live. We would forge a new world. A new civilization built from out of the ashes of the old.

So, I don't have to tell you that I think the whole idea of "The Rapture" is just about the biggest bunch of shit I've ever had the displeasure of even knowing.
I don't have to, but I'm going to.
To think one group of people are preferred over the other because of their belief in something they can't even prove is real is ridiculous. That's like a parent choosing one child and giving him the good life, while he throws the other child out into a snow drift during a winter storm.

It's stupid.

I'm sorry if you, the reader, believe in that garbage. I'm sorry that you cannot see the world and our existence on it in a much grander scale. And, I'm REALLY very sorry that there are people who believe that stupid shit who are ELECTED to our government to create laws and watch out for the good of the people. Yeah, their people.

I believe it is our human destiny to shed all of this superstitious hocus pocus, and these whimsical notions of a very selective God and his own special people and we rely on our own knowledge and have more faith in ourselves. I'm not saying we never need faith, I'm saying that there is going to come a point in our evolutionary development as humans where we are going to have to cut the cord. There will come a day where God will no longer see us as his children, but will see us as his peers. Not as what he is, but as what he knew we could become. It isn't important now if we believe in God or not. We have to believe in ourselves. God will forgive, he hasn't the time to begrudge us. Galaxies live and die by his watch.

God, has more important things to do. We had our time together and now that time has passed. He is doing his thing, we are doing ours. Before I wrap this up, I just want to say something to the Atheists out there:
In your exuberance to disprove any and all religions and religious things, and to disprove the presence of God at all, Never forget that you can't prove that there is NO God. They said the Titanic would never sink, but knowing then what you know know, would you still buy a ticket to get on?

Class Reunion?

Everybody stresses about their class reunion. It's an exciting kind of stress. People who haven't seen each other in however many years all getting together and talking about old times. What's so exciting? What's to be stressed about? It's all your old classmates, only years later and reality has set in.

I was looking around Facebook and found a thing for the class of '94 having a reunion somewhere. I didn't say MY class of '94 because I never graduated. I'll speak more on that in a minute. What I found interesting was some of the people involved not with the planning, but rather just being a part of it. Some people are friends on Facebook that back in high school, barely knew about the other. Leaves me wondering that if they did know each other back then, would they still be friends today?

I don't think I would ever go to a class reunion simply because I just never really fit in there. I wasn't one of them. It's like, they all know each other and have kids and have these lives that are tiny framed portraits of the American dream.

Me? I'm slingin' tokens to greasy palmed customers at the local sex-shop. Oddly enough though, it doesn't bother me. I have no kids and no real desire to have any. My wife does and perhaps someday I'll make a decent enough father. Yeah, I actually met a woman who isn't creeped out by me and actually took the time to know better than a "friend". Yes, she is the center of my universe. No, I don't beat her or treat her like shit. Surprised? My wife and I enjoy traveling, partying in Vegas and basically doing whatever we want to do, whenever we want to do. Adulthood has never been so much fun!

It's important to note my wife did not go to the same hichschool as I did. Chances are if she did, we never would have hooked up because I was just so odd.

It's one of the reasons I dropped out. I'm not proud of it, I don't think any drop out really is. I'll tell you what though, getting an equivalency diploma still smells a lot like failure. Again though, I have no reason to curse it as I worked hard for it. I never really made more out of it though. Which is too bad because now that I'm older, I love to learn, when it's on MY terms.

Youth is wasted on the young.

I guess the thought of encountering my classmates intimidates me in some weird way. Not so much an intimidation, but rather a general sense of dread that can only be described as being a teenager all over again. The thought of THAT is something I absolutely loath. I dunno, if I were ever asked to go to a class reunion, the answer would be "We'll see" on the outside and an emphatic "NO" on the inside. I just have no desire to see what other people have made out of their lives and how they turned out. Also, I could give less than a shit how they wonder about me and how my life turned out, that's an assumption that they even wonder about me at all.

Smart money says they don't. Maybe a fleeting notion once in a while. A thought that disappears just as quickly as it came. A passing fancy that is forgotten by the sound of their kids wailing, or waking from a daydream at a board meeting at work. About as much thought I put into them, which is what this blog entry is about. Would they even look me in eye with a straight face if they knew about me and my life?

Oh hey, my pumpkins in Farm Town are ready to harvest....